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Forgiveness Simplified

Forgiveness Simplified
by Dr. Sharon R. Bonds, PhD.
 Forgiveness is choosing to let go!
 
The real deal regarding FORGIVENESS is this: Forgiveness is the KEY to growth and development both spiritually and intellectually. When you don’t forgive you will be locked in the state that you are in until you do. When I say that you are locked in a state.  I mean that you can’t growth or develop.
 

    Forgiveness is the process of ceasing to feel resentment by letting go of all feeling, (both past and present) thoughts, grievances, actions, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake,
or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.
 

      Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives and in terms of the person forgiven and/or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven.
 
Seven Steps to Forgiveness:
 

1.      Acknowledge and express your feelings because emotions like hate, envy, jealousy, anger, remorse, suspicion and even mild dislike cause you to vibrate at a lower frequency which draws negativity into your life. And when negativity is present, it keeps you from realizing your full potential and power. Also, if you don’t address those hidden emotions they will address you through depression, bi-popular and various other mental disorders. Know that we don’t employ self empting minds so find a person that you are able verbalize your feeling to freely with confidence. Realize that there is a lesson in the situation that you must learn or assist someone in the situation in learning. Know that forgiveness is for you and not for others so do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better both physically and mentally while you find peace with the situation, issue or crisis.

2.      Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you must reconcile with the individual that wronged you nor does it mean that you must continue to have a relationships with them either. It means that you are to recognize the pain, acknowledge it and then bring your feelings to light. Remove all feelings of resentment that you have regarding the situation and the individuals involved and move on.

3.      Focus on what’s happening at the present moment. Recognize and realize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes - or years -ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

4.      Humble yourself and don’t feed into negative thoughts and feelings. Know that it’s easier to hate, feel righteous and “win” than to humble yourself before your enemy and forgive their trespasses. Know that negativity takes the path of least resistance. Negativity feeds on and listens to anything that gives justification for why the person should continue to hold to the negative feelings causing them to hold on to frustration and depression. By choosing to let go of these negative feelings that opens the door to healing, growth and development. 

5.      Lower your expectations and give up expecting things and certain behaviors from other people in your life that they choose not to give you. Recognize this as accepting life for what it is and all the responsibilities that goes with it. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them. Focus on finding another way to get your positive goals met other than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt discover new ways to get what you need mentally to forget and forgive. When you deal with others deal with them from your heart unconditional and promote a faster healing.

6.      Practicing forgiveness will reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and lead to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health. It also influences your attitude which opens the heart to kindness, peace, beauty, and love.

7.      Let go and let god handle your issues, problems and battles. Do not harbor ill feelings toward anyone because negative feelings cause negativity to enter your life. Remember that what goes around comes around and what you put out is only what you get back. Treat people like you want to be treated and better. Let go and begin to live. Know that all behavior has built in consequences and you do not have a heaven or a hell to put anyone in. 
Forgiveness is choosing to let go!
 
 
 This article is copyrighted.
Copyright © The Library of Congress 2008                                                              
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